Love Changes You
by This.Is.My.Katharsis
Summary: Long before our Mick saved little Beth he was a renegade with a best friend named Josef with the world as his oyster. Then something happened that changed the rest of his life, made him become a PI, create rules. What could it be but a woman!
1. Chapter 1

I met Vivian at a wedding. The wedding of the century, they called it then.

It was outside on a warm Summer night. The couple, two very well known local vampires, was finally tying the knot after 137 years and they had spared no expense. That meant a dozen bridesmaids, seven groomsmen, 50 waiters, a huge amphitheater, and enough flowers to frighten away anyone who ever had allergies.

Yours truly, I was a groomsman.

Now most invitation places don't have a 'vampire wedding' section and with a guest list that was allegedly over a thousand people long there were bound to be some humans in the crowd. Just because Virginia and Salvatore couldn't spell out the story of their romance they still wanted the story to be there.

The wedding ceremony was to begin at 6:39 which was, according to the humans, the exact time that they met. 6:39 though, was actually code for 1839, the year they had met. The 7 groomsmen and dozen bridesmaids were symbolism for the original number family members they had both had, having passed many long years previous. The wedding flowers were irises and white lilies; and while florists couldn't make the connection, the vampires knew that irises were the national flower of France, the bride's native country. The white lilies were for Italy, the groom's homeland.

I knew several of the groomsmen. One of them was Josef, Salvatore's best man.

The space was too big to be considered cozy. The local mountainside garden had been entirely rented out. A huge arch had been set up in the rose gardens and more chairs than I could count had been set up. The sun was just starting to go down and the smells of the flowers were intoxicating to human and vampire alike.

The dinner space, dance floor, band, and bar were located in a tent of sorts, an elegant metal framework draped with gossamer. Fountains gurgled and the lights that had been strung in all the trees were just beginning to set the place aglow. All the groomsmen, and the groom, were over by the bar having drinks.

Guests were supposed to start arriving any minute and the help was scrambling. Waiters ran from table to table, adjusting place settings. Florists were assaulting all plant matter with bottle sprayers. They were all deliciously human. Extra precautions had been taken to assure the safety of all human present of course. The bartenders were serving the vampires blood very discretely hidden in wine glasses. However, the humans were entirely unaware of our presence at all.

Josef raised his glass, "to Salvatore, established in 1773, two hundred and five years of dedicated service."

Collective chuckle and a muted, "to Salvatore." We all drank.

Salvatore spoke. He was an attractive looking man. He was tall, well built, with thick blond hair that Josef said made him look like a Norwegian superhero. Of course his vampire body had defied all signs of aging, but the years seemed to have had their toll on his eyes. He simply looked older; and that is the only adequate way to describe it. He may have walked the body of a 20 something year old but Salvatore was ancient, with hundreds of years of knowledge in how to survive and he was a dangerous enemy. Even on the day of his own wedding he was calm, cool, and collected.

"I want to thank you all for being here as well. You know how much each of you mean to Virginia and I and this moment wouldn't be complete without any of you."

As the kind words of a good friend tend to, the air became a bit more somber. Glasses clinked and we all drank again.

"You've all been so helpful. As it is however, I have one last favor to request of you all. I would ask you to keep your eyes out during the wedding. You don't get to be so old without meeting a lot of people, and a lot of vampires, some of them less than savory. Of course they've all been informed of the presence of humans and been asked to abide by our rules of hospitality; but all the same I would appreciate you all keeping your eyes open should anything go wrong."

Josef piped up. "Of course we will Sal. Now stop worrying about the guests and start worrying about your loss of eternal bachelordom."

We all laughed.

"Yeah, it's your last chance to run Sal," I joked.

Salvatore laughed hesitantly and scratched the back of his head. "If you'd have told me a hundred and forty years ago that I was going to marry the woman who called me a stuffy old fool I'd have said you had another thing coming."

Another round of laughter.

One of the bridesmaids came walking over in the uniform of pale blue satin and a pair of heels that sank into the grass a little as she walked over.

"Sal, the caterers were wondering about where we wanted the appetizers set up."

One of the other groomsmen piped up, "oh come on Adrian, give the man a few minutes peace."

Adrian, a very pretty brunette, who was very well suited to the low neckline of her dress, gave him a scathing look. "They'll be plenty of time to relax when this is all over."

The groomsmen cowered exaggeratedly 'oooh'ing in terror.

"Careful Adrian your fangs are showing," someone muttered. I couldn't help it, I sniggered. She glowered at me and I sobered up.

"Gentlemen," Salvatore said with a gentle tone of reproof. "Of course I can help," he gestured for her to lead the way and she hmphed once before throwing her hair over her shoulder and leading Sal away from us. Josef did a very apt impression of her to our raucous laughter.

While we were just having a few drinks over by the bar people were scrambling, like ants on an anthill; frantic over every small detail. Unfortunately, we could only escape notice for so long.

We heard the two talking before they even came over, one of the perks of superhuman senses.

"What are the groomsmen doing over there?" I heard the demanded question and I turned to catch the speaker out of the corner of my eye.

It was one of the wedding planners. You could tell from the clipboard and earpiece. Her skin was sepia in color and she wore a simple jasmine colored dress. The other girl whispered softly, "what are we supposed to do about it?"

The other woman's voice was amused. "Oh honestly Madie they're men not snakes, they won't bite."

I realized I wasn't the only one listening when everyone else burst into chorusing laughter.

"Hey not unless you like that," Josef said too softly for the women to hear. We all laughed some more until the confident one walked over.

"Sorry boys, bar is closed," she said with an authority that wasn't by any means apologetic.

"Oh come on," one of them said as she pulled the glass from his hand.

"Sorry, can't have anyone stumbling down the aisle."

Josef put his glass behind his back mischievously and she kept her eyes trained to his with a hint of a smile at the corner of her lips as she reached behind him and took it. He let her and all I could think was 'Josef the ladies man'. I sighed as she came to me and let her take my drink.

"You look like you could use a drink yourself," someone else said with a grin.

"So very tempting," she said stretching the word as she leaned over the bar to hand the bartender our glasses. The pose did very nice things to the lay of the dress on her back and the long line of her legs. "But, I'm afraid I'll have to decline."

She walked away and someone else murmured, "tempting's a good word for it."

Whether or not she heard she tucked her bangs behind her ear and I forgot about her for the following ceremony.

It all went down without a hitch. I had to walk Adrian down the aisle but that could hardly be helped. Virginia was a vision of loveliness and no matter how long I lived to be I was sure I would never see two people look at each other the way Salvatore and Virginia did. When Salvatore said his vows half the crowd, a high-pitched decidedly female half, gave an 'aw' that made everyone laugh.

The new couple cut the cake and Josef and I about died from laughter when Salvatore smashed the cake in his new wife's face and jumped about four feet when she picked up the cake cutter, looking rather menacing. That's how you can tell a couple that will last from any other: they can be themselves around each other no matter what day or who is watching.

They had their first dance and we were all finally allowed to go back to the bar.

Josef asked Adrian to dance because she was the only woman in the room that he found menacing enough to warrant attention.

All was well, until I took a trip to the little boy's room. The pathway was marked by short hedges strung with lights and was fairly deserted. I was heading back and the lights of the party were in sight. The band was playing a favorite song of mine, from the early forties, and I was straining to hear it when I heard something else. A cry.

I turned my head and looked off the path into a darker section, the arbor, judging from the neat rows of trees. It wasn't lit and it was hard to make anything out, but just when I thought I'd imagined it all I smelled it. The smell of fear.

I followed the scent of adrenaline in a rambling course through the trees and started to hear more, a woman's muffled yells. I started running.

Their outlines were just barely visible, their shadows morphing into the trunk of a huge tree. A man, a vampire, still in his suit, pressed up against a woman. I could smell the blood. He had her pinned between himself and the tree, one hand covered her mouth, and the other binding her arms. I could smell the blood. She had had champagne.

He looked up when I stepped on a twig and laughed awkwardly when his eyes found me in the darkness. "You scared me there, thought you were a human for a minute."

I didn't believe that he had been scared of me. It was hard to judge his form in the darkness but he was probably about my height and size. That meant nothing though, if he were a few decades older than me, he would best me in strength. If it came to that.

"There's plenty of blood at the bar if you're thirsty."

He scoffed, "child's play. We're predators, what's the fun of cold dinner in a glass?"

"Let her go," I tried to be persuasive, not too commanding.

"What?" he asked disbelievingly. "You think she'll just pretend this never happened if you ask nicely?"

"It doesn't matter. You were invited here under the pretext that the humans were off limits."

He laughed again. "Oh come on. It's a party. I'll even share." He ran his tongue across the blood pooling on her neck and her body bucked once underneath him.

My own fangs started to push and my own eyes started to fog as the smell of her blood started to ensnare my senses.

"She's an excellent vintage." I could see her shadow shudder and hear her intake of breath. He murmured, "shhh sweetheart, it's alright," to her soothingly.

Salvatore had provided blood for all vampires present and requested that we leave the humans alone; but it took a while to remember that. "Give her to me," I ordered a little more roughly.

I saw his reaction in the darkness, that of irritation and surprise. "What you want her for yourself?" He unbound her arms and gripped the back of her neck and hair then tossed her aside like a rag doll, but not enough to kill her. I heard her cry of pain and a distinct snap. "Come and get her."

I jumped at the same time he did and we crossed the distance between us in less than a second. He took a snap at my artery which I stopped by feeding him a bite of my arm. The pain of his teeth sinking into my flesh was excruciating but I swung my arm and slammed his head into a tree. He was stunned for a moment and I grabbed his shoulders. Before I could move though, he socked me in the jaw. It was like being punched by a moving car. If I hadn't been superhuman I would have fallen to the ground and never moved again. As it was I only stumbled backwards, the unpleasant taste of my own blood in my mouth. He grabbed me and I was hurled sideways into the same tree.

That was when I realized he was stronger than me, older than me, and that I was in big trouble.

I waited for the blow but instead I was just swept to the ground as two other groomsmen tackled the vampire to the ground.

Josef sauntered over as they subdued him, as at ease as can be. He looked down at me, "don't be embarrassed or anything. I'm sure you had the situation well at hand."

"I would have figured something out," I said as offhandedly as I could manage for almost dying.

Josef pulled me up. "Wouldn't have to if you could just play nice for once."

"He attacked one of the guests." I glanced over at the still figure on the ground and listened for a heartbeat. It was very weak. I was no saint. She was probably already beyond saving.

Which is why it surprised me when Josef, the first to disregard a human life, rushed over to her side then looked back at me. "C'mon medic, get your ass over here and get to work."

"Why? She's already half dead and she knows our secret anyways."

He spoke to me like I was a child. "She's under Salvatore's protection, whether or not she knows it. That still means something. Now get over here."

I hurried over, surprised at his insistence. It was discouraging work assessing her wounds; Josef stood at my shoulder and watched me work.

The vampire had severed her carotid and her heart beat was getting softer. I wadded up my tux jacket and used it to staunch the bleeding. Her form was limp and might as well have already been dead, but when I jostled her arm she was suddenly animated. She went stiff and jerked away from me, crying in pain.

That was when I recognized her as the wedding planner who had taken our wine.

"He broke her arm," I said aloud, readjusting my jacket on her neck. I looked over my shoulder but Josef was gone. I could hear the others struggling to drag the vampire somewhere where he was going to pay the penalty for violating the codes of conduct.

My jacket was doing no good, the fabric wasn't absorbent enough. The bathrooms were close and I could run and grab towels; but if I took the pressure off her neck she was going to bleed out; and I couldn't work if I couldn't see. It only left one option.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I muttered. I picked her up, vampire or not she wasn't exactly a heavyweight, and carried her to the bathroom. Don't follow my example; always keep the injured stationary, unless you happen to have superhuman speed and strength.

Most everyone was at the party but I heard someone in the men's room so I took her in the ladies room and locked the door behind us. It was a surgical paradise.

I laid her flat on a stretch of counter and was finally able to see with the bright lights. As I grabbed some of the hand towels the fancy bathroom afforded when I saw a few needles already threaded and knotted in a small dish. They must have been there to fix tears in dresses but today it might save someone's life. Say what you will about women; but they are always prepared.

I pulled back my jacket to put a real towel over it to staunch the bleeding when I realized just how small the bathroom was. The smell of her blood flooded the poorly ventilated space and my eyes fogged in a moment. I managed to cover her wound with a towel but not before I flexed my jaw wondering what it would be like to break her flesh open and drain the life force which was just being wasted. She probably wasn't going to survive anyways. It wasn't like I'd started this.

I pushed it away with restraint I didn't know I possessed and reminded myself of Josef's words. She was under Salvatore's protection and I was going to uphold that. Even so, the smell was impossible to escape and the irises of my eyes stayed white. It was hard to entice myself to work; but I did it dutifully. If I hadn't been so well-fed it would have been impossible to ignore; but we had properly sated ourselves in anticipation of spending the day with humans.

I was ready to pull back the towel and start trying to sew the wound shut when her heart, which had been fading, finally ceased to beat.

I sighed irritably and started to attempt resuscitation. I dutifully gave CPR for about two minutes. Compression, compression, compression, breath, compression….

When I pulled back it was a force of habit to look at my watch and say, "time of death: 10:47."

Without the pressure of my hand to hold it there the towel fell back and revealed that blood, dripping like a leaky faucet now that there was no heartbeat to pump it. I knew in my head that I should just leave her be; but my stomach reasoned that she wouldn't be using her blood anyways.

It wasn't natural to feed on someone with no heartbeat but I still relished in pulling her warm body close enough and breaking the skin of her neck with my fangs, creating a new bite on the other side. There's a certain anticipation that builds at that. I started to feed on her and it was consuming. I ignored as someone came to use the bathroom and found the door locked. It was good blood, fresh, healthy.

She was almost completely drained when I heard it. My head jerked up and I was convinced I had misheard when I heard it again. I pulled back and almost dropped her. When her heart beat again I put her back on the counter, my movements rough from shock.

How could her heart still beat? This was impossible.

But sure enough it gained in strength and speed until was beating normally. Slowly, the broken skin of her neck regrew, at an unnatural pace.

She remained unconscious and I was too, paralyzed by disbelief. There was only one thing that brought people back from the dead. It made them undead. It made them a vampire.

Somehow I had just turned this girl into a vampire.


	2. Chapter 2

My mind scrambled. What should I do? I had to get Josef. But I couldn't leave her here. I couldn't take her with me.

I suddenly saw her as if for the first time. Her hair was a brown so dark that it was almost black, coarse and wiry. There was dirt on one side of her where she had been thrown to the ground. The black makeup around her eyes was in streams down her face. Her dress was torn and covered in blood. She had lost both of her shoes. Her lips were swollen from my CPR.

I jumped at Josef's voice. "Mick you in there?"

Finally some luck. I rushed over and clumsily unlocked the latch to the bathroom.

Josef sauntered in and looked at the woman behind me.

"Look at you," he said in an impressed tone of voice. "It's not exactly convenient that she survived; but we were required to do all that we could. But who would have thought you could actually save her?" He looked at me to see my reaction to his humor and I don't know what was on my face; but he saw something there.

"What's wrong?" His face was instantly somber. I didn't know what to say. "You look like you just saw a ghost." Words escaped me; I didn't know how to communicate what had happened. "She's alive," he said perkily and his tone implied it all: we didn't have to care but our obligations were fulfilled. She was just a human: her life had no consequence to us.

I felt sick, violently sick. Her blood in my body turned to boiling poison. I turned away in anticipation of vomiting but vampires didn't throw up. I never cared about human life. Their lives were so short and fragile, thousands of them died every day. They were lights blinking in and out in a sea so large that it was impossible to notice individuals.

When I got hungry I fed, usually just freshies because cleaning up the mess of a dead stranger was inconvenient, but if it meant my life or theirs then I would feed on anyone. They were lesser beings to me. Suddenly there was a girl who was a conduit to the human world and she was the same as me.

"Mick, what is wrong with you?" Josef urged, clapping my shoulder desperately.

I shook my head, still looking for words. "She died on the table."

Josef looked at me queerly. "Well obviously not, you can hear her heart beating."

I was suddenly animated. "No she died on the table in front of me. I…I heard her heart stop. I did CPR…" The vice grip of disgust suddenly ceased. A thought was born in my mind that made the world stop spinning.

"My blood…"

"What Mick? What's wrong with you?"

"My blood. The vampire hit me in the mouth. I was bleeding. I did CPR… I turned her."

I've known Josef a long time but I've only seen him become that serious once. "Are you telling me that you just sired a vampire Mick?"

"Not on purpose. It…it just happened."

Josef swallowed and walked over to her. She was out cold. He looked her over. It was a few of the longest minutes of my incredibly long life. What was I supposed to do? Finally Josef spoke and I listened eagerly because Josef always had the answer.

"You've got two options Mick. Either you've got to kill her now or you become responsible for her." He turned to me. "You'll have to teach her everything, how to feed, how to stay hidden, and all the rules. Or you can end this right now before it goes any farther." It was clear from his tone which road he advocated.

"I'm afraid that's impossible." Salvatore was standing in the doorway, calm and collected even though I felt like I might just fall to the ground. "That girl is still under my protection. Any harm that befell her on these premises becomes my responsibility." He stepped forward and put his hand on my shoulder. "It's alright. I'll take care of her, socialize her." My heart gave a strange lurch.

Josef was suddenly calm as well. "Those aren't our rules. The vampire who sired the newborn has to take responsibility for it."

Salvatore nodded. "But when Mick tried to save her life he did it in my name. I'm willing to take all responsibility. Everything he did he did to uphold my orders. I certainly can't allow you to kill her. If she can be socialized then I assure you she will be; and if not…" Salvatore trailed off and gave a shrug that said it was the last thing he wanted to do; but he would. He was so at ease. Josef shrugged.

"It's your call Salvatore. You take her if that's what you have to do."

As though I had woken from a dream I lifted my head. "No."

Josef raised his eyebrows and his voice had a quality of unpleasant surprise. "No?"

"I want to take responsibility for her."

"Why?" Josef barked.

"I did this to her."

I could feel Josef's extra years widening the gap between us. He had far more experience in this than I did. It made me want to trust his judgment. I also had to remember that, despite being the best of friends, we were very different people. He'd had four hundred years to learn what he wanted. I was inexperienced; but I couldn't accept his decision as my own.

He would feel no regret for leaving her with Sal; but I would.

"Mick, she's not a puppy looking for a home. In a few hours she's going to wake up scared, with strength that she doesn't understand and a hunger for blood."

Salvatore's voice had less of a bite to it. "There's no way to predict how she will react. If she survives the change at all she might try to escape or hurt someone, even baring all that she may become feral. Give everything you have to help her and she may still not be able to resist the lure of human blood. If she can't be socialized then we will have to kill her."

"It has to be me," I reiterated. I turned and looked at her, the vampire that I had sired. "If I leave her with you and she can't be socialized then I'll always wonder." I looked at her and her heartbeat sounded in my ears. It wasn't weak anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Josef had the car pulled around and I carefully loaded the unconscious cargo into the backseat. I thought about sitting in the backseat with her when Josef barked at me to get in the front. He was silent the whole way home and I had Salvatore's advice playing on repeat through my head.

"She went through quite a trauma before hand and she's going to be scared and confused when she wakes up. You have to soothe her. The only way these relationships can work is if the newborn looks to their sire as a guide. Be firm, do not let her doubt you. Because once she learns to control her urges she's going to want to go home and you're going to have to convince her that she can't."

Josef and I were living together at the time. When Josef pulled into the driveway and put the car in park I went for the door handle; but he snapped the locks shut.

His face was serious. He was looking off into the distance and I waited until he spoke.

"I don't know what you were thinking taking custody of her from Salvatore like that; but with Sal or without him, you should know right now that we can just kill her. We'll save ourselves a load of trouble and we'll just tell Sal that she couldn't be socialized."

"No Josef, I need to do this."

"Why?" he urged frantically, finally looking at me. His voice was serious; and Josef didn't do serious when he could avoid it. "I know she looks pretty and harmless right now Mick but when she tries to tear your throat out she's not gonna look so cute. She's a danger to us all. You need to look beyond the long legs and big eyes and see that."

"I do."

"No you don't," he muttered, looking away. "If you did then you would have let Sal take her or killed her before he had the chance to offer."

"I need to do this," I told him. Josef scoffed. I sighed. "When Coralline turned me it ruined me. I've hated her and myself ever since. I've ruined this girl's life Josef. I've started her on a path through hell. She's never going to get to be with her loved ones again because of me. The least I can do for her is to help her through the transition."

"And when her eyes glaze over and she won't stop feeding?" Josef asked glancing over at me. "When she kills someone? What are you going to do then?" It was a test and I could feel it.

I met his gaze. He searched my eyes to see if I was lying. I wasn't sure if I was or wasn't; but he seemed to believe in me. "Burn her alive."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "When she wakes up she's going to fix those big puppy dog eyes on you and beg to go home. You have to resist her. When you tell her no she's gonna wonder why she has to listen to you. Don't be afraid to remind her why you're in charge. She doesn't have to love you. She just has to fear you."

He unlocked the doors and I carried her into the house. She groaned when I picked her up; but didn't wake.

Josef and I took her into one of the spare rooms on the other side of the substantially large house.

It was nicely furnished and sterile like a nice hotel. I looked around.

"Where's the freezer?"

"No freezer." Josef walked over to the thermostat and turned it down as far as it would go. "If she wakes up in it then she'll never get over it."

"She already feels fevered," I remarked, trying to be dispassionate.

"Yep," Josef said as though he could care less about her discomfort.

I laid her down on the bed, pushed aside the blankets, and covered her with the sheet. While the once chic dress she was wearing was very well suited to displaying her curves, it wasn't ideal for being attacked and dying in.

"Can we get one of the girls to change her clothes?" I asked.

Josef was sardonic, "what? You forget what women look like?"

"I think she's been violated enough for one night."

Josef grunted. "I'll send," he clicked his tongue, "Irene. I'm going to sleep."

"What do I do when she wakes up?" I asked without thinking.

Josef gave me a contemptuous look, didn't answer, and left. One of the freshies came by with some of her own spare clothes and I left while she changed the girl's clothes.

"I'll be next door when she wakes up," the girl said when she came out of the room. Her voice was brisk. "Are you hungry?" she asked me.

The girl's blood was still running through me. I had a feeling I wasn't going to be hungry for a long time. "No."

The woman, Irene, put a hand on my cheek. "Don't beat yourself up Mick. You don't deserve it."

I was acutely aware of the smell of her skin, perfumed and gentle. She was beautiful, golden hair and bronze colored skin. Even through a shell of apathy I could feel the softness of her skin. She would distract me from everything if I would let her. She would willingly offer me her blood and become subject to my will and she would enjoy every minute of it.

I reacted without thought. We were alone in the hallway and I ran a finger up the bare skin of her arm, shoulder, and rested at her neck. She bared me her sun kissed neck and I dove for it, not to sate any unnatural hunger but a hunger for feeling. Her hands traced up my chest and pulled loose my tie and undid the top buttons of my shirt before I shouldered her against a wall.

I wasn't gentle and she didn't seem to mind. She moaned softly when I pulled her into the bedroom next door.

I went back into the bedroom a little later and saw, to my relief, that beneath the sheet the girl was still there. She now wore a tee-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. I stood there staring at her for a long time. I wasn't sure what she meant anymore. I wasn't sure about anything. I felt detached and uninvolved.

The heat was doing bad things for her. She was sweating, even under just the sheet. I got a towel from the bathroom, soaked it with cool water, then washed away all the dirt, makeup, and blood from her face and hands. Then I waited.

The worst part was trying to imagine how she was going to react. In my mind I must have played out a hundred different scenarios, everything from anger to denial. Waiting on the brink of what I couldn't escape was like waiting to hit the ground after a fall.

It took more than a day for her to wake up. I got worried and called in Josef

"She feed yet?" Josef asked offhandedly. I had to remind myself that he wasn't making conversation and that for Josef this actually was showing concern. If he didn't care then he wouldn't ask. It still irked me; but I was edgy. I had been sitting here on edge for a day and a half, just praying that she would wake up and, at the same time, half hoping I wouldn't have to face her.

I shook my head. The stress had worn away my resistance to emotion significantly and I was scared. Scared that I'd condemned her to limbo. Vampires heard the occasional horror story about people that didn't survive their transitions or when things just went horribly wrong for no apparent reason. Sometimes they lost their sanity or their humanity. The mental trauma alone could be incapacitating.

"Hasn't even moved. Did I do something wrong? Is she going to wake up?"

Josef actually seemed to give it some thought. "She still may." I looked away. He made it sound so hopeless.

"What?" he asked, frustrated at my reaction. This was testing our relationship to the max. We were both irritable and grouchy, though in all fairness I hadn't slept or eaten.

Josef sighed and for a second I thought he was thinking along the same lines as me. "Look, those who are turned without consent will often take longer to get through the transition. The brain has to process the trauma and sleep is a good way to let the subconscious work its way through what it doesn't want to face. She was practically raped by a mythical creature; give her brain a chance to process everything."

That was more reassuring.

Josef looked at me. He was chewing gum. "Have you eaten?"

I shook my head. Hadn't slept either.

He laughed humorlessly. "Honestly Mick what is your fascination with self destruction? You are the only one I know who can do something on accident and still beat himself up about it."

"I killed her Josef. I've ruined her life."

"Oh, that's right. You think this is the worst thing that can happen to anyone." He left the room and I didn't try to stop him. This was often where the rubber met the road for us.

She woke up a few hours later.

It was slow. Her heartbeat speed up just that little bit that meant she was awake. She murmured, "Tom?" and reached to the other side of the bed. When she found it empty she laid unnaturally still. I knew that she had opened her eyes when her heartbeat sped up.

I remembered the first morning and I gave her a minute. Finally I coaxed some sound out of my throat. "Are you awake?"

After a minute she shook her head. "No, I'm dreaming."

I wasn't sure what to say. She wished she was dreaming, I wished she was dreaming; but she wasn't and our wishing wouldn't make it so.

"Do you remember what happened?" I asked eventually.

"I remember a lot."

"Start at the wedding, Salvatore and Virginia."

She swallowed and unfolded her story without turning and looking at me. "We got the bride down the aisle, cut the cake, first dance, toasts, and then when Trevor sent me for plates this guy asked me to dance." She didn't talk for a minute but I heard her breath scrape through her throat and the way her pulse sped up.

"What did he do?" I prompted. I didn't want to know. This girl's horror was the last thing I wanted to be faced with; but she needed to see the truth. The man who attacked her was no ordinary pervert.

She sobbed. "He dragged me into the dark…pushed me up against a tree." It was getting difficult to pick the meaning out of her distorted words.

"And then?"

She shook her head, crying softly. I didn't want to push her. I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be alright; but my wishing didn't make it so.

"What did he do to you?" She shook her head again. I reached out and touched her arm. She stiffened at my touch. "He bit you. He drank your blood." She made no sound, didn't even breathe.

I could almost hear the wheels turning in her mind. "Who are you?" she yelled suddenly, as though angry at my knowledge. She whirled in the bed and froze, staring at me. Her voice was surprised. "Its dark; but I can still see you." I didn't say anything. She reached out a hand apprehensively. I didn't dare pull away as her fingertips brushed my cheek. After a moment she said very softly, "you saved me."

I froze and more wrongness flooded me. I was not her savior, I was her killer.

"Why do I feel so strange? Sights, sounds, smells…" she trailed off and I knew that she felt her words were inadequate to describe the new increase of sensory information.

"You're changing," I answered.

Her fingertips ran from my coarse cheek to the side of my throat and suddenly her eyes weren't trained to mine, filled with that doe like innocence. Then they were focused on my throat and her face was tipped forwards toward my neck as her eyes glazed white. "I can hear your heart," she said in a reverent voice with entirely different connotations.

She turned violently away and grabbed at her mouth. The sobs came now. It pulled at something inside me. I had hoped she wouldn't cry. I could barely discern her saying, "what did he do to me?"

Not him, me. I might have corrected her then and there; but I didn't have the strength to do it. In my mind I saw her and heard her whisper, "you saved me."

I tried to be like Josef and conjure up a wall of apathy. I stood. "He turned you into a vampire." I left her there and got the girl from next door. It had taken so long that a brunette model-esque human had taken over Irene's vigil.

"Is this her first time?" she asked when she saw the sobbing heap in the bed.

I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest. The woman wandered over to the crying heap and rubbed a hand gently on her back. From the second the woman's hand made contact with her skin she stiffened and stopped crying. Suddenly I had a vision of her turning around and hurting the human.

I went to the other side of the bed where I could bend down and look her in the eyes.

"You have to feed," I told her.

She shook her head and closed her eyes, refusing to look at me. "No! No! I won't do it!"

I was at a loss. I had pictured all sorts of possible endings; but never foreseen this. What was I supposed to do? I remembered my own inner turmoil when Coralline turned me. When she brought me that first meal I had told her no. My human instincts had told me that this was wrong. It was only when hunger had overridden them with new instincts that I had been able to feed.

As if he could read my mind Josef was suddenly standing in the doorway. "Let her starve then." His voice was matter-of-fact. "She'll have to feed eventually or she'll die. She'll break."

The girl looked up at me with tears on her face, but sobs stilled, and said, "don't bet on it."

Josef raised his eyebrows in the doorway. "What was that?"

She didn't roll over. "You heard me."

The next few hours were agony. The human stayed in a chair in the back of the room so that the moment the girl broke she could feed. I perched myself on the bed.

At first the girl just lay there immobile; but with a look of determination. As the hours passed though I could hear her stomach start to complain. Soon she was curled up in a ball and after a little while she was sobbing quietly.

I sat next to her on the bed and occasionally would say, "please just do it …I know it seems scary…don't do this to yourself." I must have tried a million different tactics but she didn't respond to any of them. Eventually her eyes stayed fogged with white and her incisors didn't retract. She was literally starving herself to death; and all I could do was keep a cool cloth to her forehead and beg.

Josef returned after a few hours and she stopped herself from crying. He motioned me over to him. We stood in the doorway and he looked at me seriously. "You have got to stop coddling her Mick. She's putting herself through this. You don't need to torture yourself because of her," he turned and enunciated the word, "_stupid_ decisions."

Her face, with its vampire features, was suddenly harsh again. She didn't say anything, just stared at Josef, still curled up in a ball.

Josef turned to the human and motioned her over. "You know this is going to kill you right?" he asked the girl, approaching her bedside.

She nodded.

Josef wasn't even stymied. "And that's what you want huh? To die, rather than embrace what you've become?"

Her voice was harsh from the sobbing. "I can't imagine that I'm the first."

"You're not," Josef said calmly. "But you're not going to die."

"And why is that?"

"Because we're not going to let you. I'm sick of this. You've been turned into a vampire. I suggest you get over it. It's happened to millions, over the millennia and most of them go on to live lives much grander than they had before. You're not the first and you won't be the last. It's time for you to accept that this is the beginning of a new life, and I promise you, a much more fun one. This isn't your time to die."

"And what makes you so sure?" she asked with degradation in her voice.

"Cause I can see it in your eyes. You're young and inexperienced, overreacting to the best thing that's ever going to happen to you. Your pathetic stand will end because," he paused, "you don't want to die."

"Nobody _wants_ to die," she battled back desperately.

Josef laughed. "Ignorance always betrays youth." He picked up the human's arm and smelled her skin for just a moment before he bit her. Josef didn't drink though. He let the blood begin to pool on her arm. "Now stop being overdramatic and drink."

For a few moments my heart raced and I really thought that she was going to give in. She was leaning in unconsciously and then drew back suddenly.

She looked up at Josef. "Am I going to kill her?"

"No," Josef said. She looked at him for a moment before turning to look at me.

"Is he telling the truth?"

I nodded, wordless, just praying Josef could get her to end her, and my, torment.

It wasn't graceful as she suddenly began to drink. The woman grimaced, newbies weren't as careful as the experienced ones; but she did feed and nobody cared that she had no skill at it.

For all her resistance the girl would have killed the human but Josef grabbed her wrist and told her to stop. She seemed to ignore Josef for a moment but when he twisted her arm painfully she let go. She hissed at him; but he growled back and her eyes cleared. I took the human away, thanking her as I took her out of the room. She was a little shaky and I left her leaning against the wall and closed the door behind us.

Josef let go of her arm when the woman was down the hall. The girl's eyes finally cleared and her fangs disappeared.

"So what's your name kid?" he asked offhandedly.

"Vivian."

"Well Viv, don't ever make me monologue like that again."

Josef spoke to me and his voice was perky. I should have expected it; but it still frustrated me. "Be firm, just like housebreaking a dog."

When Josef left, suddenly it was just her and I. I didn't know what to say; but I was spared it as she sprang out of the bed and ran over to the bathroom door on the other side of the room. I followed her and saw her leaning over the toilet gagging. I wasn't sure if she was trying to make herself throw up or if she just felt as sick as I had with myself after I fed the first time.

I gave her about five minutes until I heard the gagging stop. Then I went in to the bathroom. She was crying again; and it broke my heart. Her head was pressed against the cool tub and she was curled into a little ball.

I picked her up, her insubstantial weight making her feel all the more fragile to me. I carried her back to her bed; but she didn't let go of me when I set her down.

It made my skin crawl. I was torn apart by wanting to console her and wanting to run far away and never see her again. She was the source of my torment. I was just a moth and she was the flame, forcing me to feel something as she drew closer.

I couldn't find the words to tell her what I'd done. To tell her that it was me who had done this to her, not some nameless nightmare. She cried into my shirt, and I was doing everything I could to hold myself together.

Finally, "I'm so sorry," was all I could mutter.

This was an uphill battle we were fighting. I knew exactly how she felt. I hated Coralline for what she took from me. Here I'd done the same thing to her. Then I had almost allowed her to kill herself. Even if Coralline had ruined my life she had found me after I ran away and gotten me to feed. It had barely taken any prompting to get me to drink. This girl had almost died again because I couldn't find the words that I had been lacking. I put her through hell and almost let her kill herself. Without Josef there was no way she would have survived. All I wanted was to help her and I almost killed her. She deserved so much better than me.

She cried; and I sat there with her repeating the same three words.

Eventually she fell asleep again, still exhausted.


	4. Chapter 4

She slept after that and I was finally able to take some time for myself; and I was long overdue for a shower, a feed, and a long sleep, in that order.

I dreamt about Vivian all night, in different forms, settings, and times; but she was there all night long so when I woke up it was as though I had never stopped thinking about her. I also realized that I had no idea what color her eyes were. After that long night I had never really checked.

When I woke I went to her bedroom. It was empty. A strange instinct inside of me became agitated. Where was she? Had she run away, had Josef made good on his suggestion? How could I have left her alone?

"Josef!" I yelled. He wasn't in his room, I ran downstairs to check the living room when a voice from the couch took me by surprise.

"Looking for someone?" I nearly fell over. She was lying back on the couch with her feet up reading _Vogue_.

In the back of my mind I realized that it was day time, about noon two and a half days since she had been turned. How long had I slept?

After realizing she was awake, I realized she looked magnificent. The only sign of what had happened to her was a little puffiness around her eyes. She was relaxed, dressed in jeans and a tee shirt.

Feeling her eyes drink me in was liberating, exciting; and her smile was radiant. After seeing her drenched in sweat and blood, doubled over with pain and hunger she looked beautiful. She had showered and her hair was pulled back. She wore no makeup. It was like it was just another of her looks.

Her voice was amused. "You look much better."

I had to fight to find my voice. "I'm not the only one." She put down her magazine.

"Yeah, turns out becoming a vampire doesn't do wonders for personal hygiene."

"You did die for a few minutes," I pointed out.

"You know it occurred to me sometime around midnight that I don't even know your name," she said languidly.

"Mick St. John," I walked over and extended my hand. She took it.

"Viviana Andrews." Her grip was nice; feminine, but confident. Our hands stayed locked even after shaking. She smiled, I was about to laugh. We spent the night crying to each other and the best we could manage now was a handshake. Vivian laughed and took her hand back. "So what do you do Mick? Go around saving damsels in distress from vampires?" She smiled wryly and I was surprised that she could go making jokes already.

"I work with Josef."

"That was the man who spoke to me yesterday?"

I nodded. "He's a four hundred year old vamp from Europe." She inclined her head in surprise. "I work for him, just taking care of loose ends."

She raised an eyebrow and said offhandedly in a tell-me-if-you-want-to fashion, "you know if you're a hit man or work for the vampire mafia you can tell me. I won't think the less of you."

I laughed. "When you get to be as old as he is you make a lot of enemies. Being someone he can trust is pretty much a full time job."

She laughed at the oddness of situation; but then looked remorseful. "Sorry, that's kind of sad."

I grinned. "But it is kind of funny."

Call me odd; but it was strange to finally talk to her. See her smile, hear her voice, listen to her joke. I could look at her face and hold a conversation with her, a nice normal….well okay fairly normal conversation.

In the silence our gazes turned away from each other. I was surprised when she suddenly spoke, voice soft. "Please don't be mad at me for yesterday."

I turned to face her so quickly I nearly gave myself whiplash. "Mad at you?"

She nodded. "Josef was right. I don't want to die." She smoothed the cover of her magazine. "I should have listened to you, before he had to do that tough love speech. I just thought that you were telling me whatever you thought would save me. Cause, that's the kind of man you seem to be to me." She paused, but before I could say anything or think too hard about it she spoke again with a tone of laughter in her voice. "Somehow… I don't think that he would lie to make me feel better."

I laughed. "No, Josef will lie about a lot; but he won't do that." Vivian smiled.

I stared at her.

"What?" she asked after a minute.

"Your eyes," I said. "…They're brown."

She laughed at me and I laughed at myself made a comment about having my foot in my fanged mouth and offered to give her a tour. Which of course she accepted.

She couldn't go back to her old life. Her old friends were bound to notice the changes. So it only made sense that she would stay here with us. If the name she muttered when she first woke up indicated anything, she probably had a boyfriend back home who would surely notice something. She had to leave them all behind.

"The humans sleep in that hall." I pointed to where she had been sleeping so far. "We'll have some humans around on the weekends. If nothing else Josef will usually have a few parties to go to and he can't stand to go to one alone."

"What sort of parties?"

The question surprised me. "I don't know. He knows a lot of vampires and throwing parties is a good way for them to spend time apparently. If you get hungry during the week then you'll have to settle for something from the kitchen." I led her down the hallway to the living room where we had poker night. It was where we brought the guests that were a little closer to home. I pointed up the stairs.

"My room and Josef's are up there. But I guess you'll be moving up there now."

"Why?" she asked.

"Well we like to keep the vampires and the humans separate mainly; but also the rooms upstairs have the freezers." I could tell I'd lost her completely.

"For the bloodcicles?"

"Ha ha, no." I turned towards her more fully. "I may or may not have mentioned this; but you're going to want to sleep in a freezer from now on."

She raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly.

"Didn't mention that huh?"

She shook her head vigorously then laughed. "I guess it beats a coffin." She looked around the living room and her eyes lingered on a sliding glass door to the terrace.

"C'mon," I said brushing past her towards the door. I pulled it open and her jaw dropped as she looked out at the city. We did have a pretty nice view.

I felt a small amount of pride fill me at this small commodity I could give her after taking so much from her.

She stepped forward into the bright noon sun and stepped back after about a second, pulling her head back from its affront and trying to cover her eyes.

Pride gone.

There was a moment of silence. "I forgot to mention that didn't I?"

"We don't do sunlight huh?"

"No. God… I'm sorry." I shut the door and turned around so I wouldn't have to look at her expression of unpleasant surprise. I was angry at myself. I heard her soft footsteps after a moment and she put a hand on my shoulder. "I've never done this before," I said.

"Well me neither, so we're even. C'mon." She walked over to the couches and sat, well actually it was more like gliding. "Come tell me all about it, about us. Can we turn into bats do I need to watch out for holy water, crucifixes?" I smiled weakly. I didn't deserve her.

So I sat down and we talked for two hours. I explained the freezer, the sun, silver emulsion, digital film, the feeding, the crosses, the fire, the decapitation, the regeneration. I told her everything I knew about what we were and a little about the senior council of vampires and about our laws and rules.

She was a good listener, asked questions, actually seemed interested.

"Well look at you two." The sun had set and Josef was up. He must have slept somewhere other than his room. He stood at the top of the stairs in a suit.

"Going somewhere?" I asked.

"It's Monday. I'm going to the office."

"What is it that you do exactly Josef?" Vivian asked conventionally. He came down the stairs.

"Everything. LA ceases to function without me."

"He's humble too," I added.

"Everything from human philanthropy to vampire politics. Really important to keep the two separated or things can get dicey."

She stood and walked over to him. She was standing tall and her tone was confident and authoritative. "I wanted to thank you for what you said to me yesterday. I needed to hear it."

Josef didn't say anything which surprised me. I saw that look in his eyes that he gave to vampire businessmen when he was trying to sum them up. She extended her hand to shake his and instead he took her hand and kissed it.

She was unphased. "I know we haven't gotten off to the most famous start; but I really would like to talk to you at some point about your business, because I owe you and I do repay my debts."

He 'hm'ed and seemed pleasantly surprised. "Not what I would have expected."

"I pride myself on that."

He looked over at me. "I like her. I'm glad we didn't kill her." For being four hundred he had no tact. I was staring daggers at him and I would gladly have ripped his head off at that point.

She smiled. "You'd be surprised how often I get that."

Josef actually laughed and left us in peace. I had every intention of ripping him a new one later. As it was I could only shake my head and apologize once he was gone.

She grinned. "Don't be. I like him. He says what he says because it's a fast way to figure out what kind of person he's dealing with."

"I don't know if it's as much method as he just likes to screw with people."

"Either way," she shrugged.

"You're brave though," I said a little more seriously. "To be direct and just face him like that. He'll respect you for it. Josef can't stand people who are two faced or dance around what they want to say."

"I got that vibe from him. He seems like a good man though. He really seems to care for you as well."

I shook my head dispassionately. "He would really raise my blood pressure if I had any."

She laughed. It was musical.

I showed her to the kitchen and where we kept the blood and showed her how to use the hypodermic if she needed it for some reason. I showed her the rest of the house and finally led her up the stairs and picked her a new room just down the hall from mine. She just 'hm'ed at the freezer and I assured her that, while strange, she would get used to it.

"At least we don't have to move any of your stuff," I said offhandedly.

She mocked offense. "Hey, I had a magazine." So we went downstairs to get it. We were on our way back upstairs when she paused and looked out the window. Evening had drawn a veiled black curtain over the world. She walked over slowly, as though entranced, and stepped out onto the patio.

She muttered something softly to herself. The deck had a great view and a fair amount of isolation. She walked over to the balcony railing and leaned forward on it, towards the city. I didn't say anything. I wanted her to have at least one moment for herself.

"Will it always feel like this?" she asked.

"How do you mean?"

"I can tell you where the individual crickets are chirping. I could count them if I wanted to. I can smell the restaurants wafting up from the city." She looked up, "and I can see the stars even through all the light pollution." Her tone was almost reverent.

"Yes, that is one thing that stays. It will actually get stronger as you age too."

"Wow. I can't believe I almost missed this."

We stood in silence for a little while. Then the door opened. It was all the way on the other side of the house but we both looked up.

"Expecting someone?" Vivian asked. After a second she stiffened and her breathing became harsh. She must have heard the heartbeat that was slowly making its way upstairs.

"I thought humans were for weekends?" Vivian said with a smile that, while mischievous, seemed forced.

"Usually yes," I answered. "But she's not for me." If I didn't have the eyes of a hawk I wouldn't have seen her face fall and my heart wouldn't have lurched like it did.

She captured a nonchalance. "I thought I was a bottlefed vampire now?"

"It'll be better for your control if you learn restraint now."

She didn't say anything. She looked back out over the city.

"We're out here," I called to the freshie when she got to the living room. A moment later she came out onto the deck. "So this is where you two are hiding." It was Melissa, the curvy redhead.

Vivian was stiff, not turning to see whoever had come, her muscles were rigid. I could hear her harsh breathing.

"Would you give us a minute?" I asked Melissa.

"Sure. I'll go help myself to a drink."

Vivian was leaning over the railing, looking out. Her gaze was distant, her expression severe. I was suddenly impressed that her face was given to smiling; but since meeting me it had been the home of too many miseries.

"Are you gonna be okay?"

She didn't speak for a minute. "I guess."

"What is it that's bothering you?"

"I… I know in my head that things are going to be okay and that I'll adjust; but right now everything's just new and scary and I don't understand a lot. It's weird to go from being in charge of your own life to relying totally on others."

"And you feel like all your power has been taken?" I knew exactly what she meant. Married man one moment, bloodsucking monster the next.

She nodded. "I'm scared to feed. I don't want…"

"What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"Talk to me," I urged. I wanted to be anything she needed, if she wanted to talk then I wanted to listen.

Her breathing was very deliberate for a minute. "Truth is Mick that you've been so good to me I don't want to be any more of a burden to you."

"Hey," I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked back at me. "You could never be a burden. That's what I'm here for: to help you through the transition."

For a moment her eyes searched mine then she turned around fully and quickly wrapped her arms around my neck. She was still breathing deliberately and this time her breath tickled my neck as she pulled herself in close to me and buried her head in my shoulder.

It was an embrace I couldn't name exactly. It wasn't a passionate lover's embrace; it didn't have the intimacy and desire. It wasn't a hug of greeting like good friends after a distance because it didn't have the same immediacy or excitement. It was slow, solid. It made me feel like she was hanging on to me for some sort of strength, something that wouldn't change; and it made me want to be that for her. In a time when I felt like everything had been turned upside down I wanted to stay solid and confident for her. So she would believe me when I told her everything was going to be okay.

I hugged her back, not quite sure what it meant, but at the same time grateful that it meant anything at all. It lasted for maybe a minute; but when she pulled away I suddenly felt cold.

She wasn't crying but a tear was tracing its way down her cheek. She shook her head and mumbled, "sorry, stupid of me."

I smiled just a little bit and wiped away the tear with my thumb and then tucked her hair behind her ear. A strand that didn't reach to her ears flopped back into her face and was caught by the wind.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," she said after a minute.

"I won't let you," I promised.

She nodded and muttered softly, "okay."

I went inside and got Melissa.

Compared to the first time this was a cake walk. Vivian approached it with an attitude of determination that surpassed the hesitation. She pulled her hair out of her face and despite the fluttering of her heart, adrenaline that hit her blood, and the shaking of her hands she bit once and hard. Then her eyes went and the vampire in her took over with confidence and vigor.

As she fed I slipped behind her on the divan and when the human's cheeks were a little pale I put my hand on her shoulder. She hesitated; but she didn't stop. In fact, she seemed to grow more intent. I didn't want to deny her or force her so instinct screamed against me as I wrapped one hand around her slender neck. I put the pressure on her collarbones and as her weight shifted back she was forced to let go of the human. She would have bitten my arm; but her movements were predictable and I got my thumb under the hinge of her jaw so she couldn't move her neck enough.

It really wasn't her fault. Predatory instinct says that when someone gets between you and your food, bite your way past it. We're at our most primal when we're feeding so it was no surprise that she took a snap at me. Even so, I still felt her neck flame with embarrassment as her fangs retracted.


	5. Chapter 5

The following day Josef had me on business which he insisted had to be done by me on that day. I was anxious to leave Vivian already; but Josef went off on a tirade about vampires not having maternity leave and finally, just to silence him, I left. It ended up taking several hours and I came back only in time to go through niceties with Vivian before sleep demanded her.

The next day when the sun was down I pulled the car around the front of the house and went up to her bedroom. I knocked on the door but she was still sleeping. When I tapped on the glass of her freezer I realized, belatedly and to my intense relief, that she'd actually worn pajamas to sleep.

She opened her dark brown eyes. I felt like I knew their color as well as I knew my own because I'd studied them. They were a brown so dark they almost looked black, like chocolate. Reaching out with both hands she pushed open the lid and sat up, with a tired and a little dazed expression.

"Wow," she murmured. "I have never slept that well in my entire life."

It made me smile.

She turned to me after a few second's contemplation. "As I fell asleep I kept picturing someone coming to wake me up in the morning and finding a popcicle."

I laughed out loud at the funny image that came into my head.

Vivian lifted her knees and set her head on them with a faint smile. When I finally stopped laughing I spoke, "would you like to go somewhere with me?"

Her eyes got wide. "Are you serious? I finally get to leave the house?"

That stung a little. I hadn't imagined her feeling cooped up. When I was newly turned I hid in a basement from the daylight and I used to dread going out when the time to feed was approaching.

I motioned towards the door and left the room while she changed into some clothes.

She came outside and I studied her image bathed in the light of the house as she walked towards the car. Flyaways stuck out of a short messy braid and the casual collared shirt she wore, clearly borrowed, was ill-fitting and hung over one shoulder. The jeans fit her frame but were a little short and her ruddy tennis shoes were far from elegant. It was to her credit that she made it look chic; rustic or outdoorsy or something.

She jumped down four stairs at once and jogged over to the car with a big grin on her face, like a little kid all excited to go to the pet store. When she swung into the car she reached for the seatbelt with all the casualness of habit.

I paused and raised my eyebrows.

"What?" she asked when I caught her eyes.

"You can't die," I reminded her.

She looked confused. "Oh. Right." She shrugged, "might get a ticket."

I put on my sunglasses and drove.

Big cities are hard places to find privacy, which is what fledgling vampires need. The tempt of human blood can be very intense and it's often best to keep them solitary or with vampires who can defend themselves until the major traumas of feeding and being turned are dealt with.

She needed to get out but I couldn't take her out among the humans. But in every city, no matter how large, people still seek respite and if you look hard enough there's always a place with some peace and quiet.

When I parked Vivian got out of the car and folded her arms over her chest.

"Is this a joke?"

"What?"

"This is your idea of getting out? A cemetery?" A big private one with headstones that were more like stone memorials: life-size angels, benches with dates, trees, family mausoleums, fountains. It was huge and quiet. Many of its residents' children's children were long gone. Who was left to visit?

"Hey, we need somewhere secluded."

"Can't we go to a park or something?"

"It's this or another night inside."

She sighed. "Well when you put it like that."

We started to walk. Her braid flopped as she turned her head to look around. I knew it fairly well.

"So did you know about this place before you became a vampire?"

"Yes."

"How old are you?" she asked without looking at me.

"I'm fifty five," I answered in return.

"I don't remember very well; but before I fed the first time you told me it was your wife who had turned you."

I nodded.

"Did she even tell you what was coming?"

"No."

"That bites."

"Pun intended?"

She smiled very faintly, "maybe." Vivian jumped on top of a low brick wall that lined the path and put her arms out as she walked. "So what did you do before you became a vampire? Did you know Josef before you were turned?"

"Are you writing my autobiography?" I asked. I regretted it when I said it though I may have imagined the downfall of her face. My tone was a little sharp. She kept her eyes on the top of the wall in front of her.

"You saved my life. I haven't had many relationships with that; but I hear it's like a bonding thing or something." Her tone was marinated with a hint of sarcasm. I probably deserved it. Besides, I hadn't saved her life. I'd taken it.

"I was a musician, guitarist, after being a medic in the war."

She gave a small surprised 'hm'. "Do you still play?"

"Not in a while. I met Josef after Corraline turned me."

She was silent for a minute after until she jumped down from the wall. "What kind of music did you play?" I let her ask me questions until we were arriving at some of the newest graves.

"Martin Scorsese was a genius!" I insisted. She started the rebuttal but I didn't hear her. I was listening to something else.

I stopped walking and paused to reach out with my senses. When she turned to see why I'd stopped she trailed off mid-sentence. I opened my eyes, hers were shut and I could see her trying to apply her senses as I had. She may have been a vampire but she was still a toddler in our world. I grabbed her arm and pulled her off the path into a small copse of trees with one solitary statue of an angel with flowing robes.

She didn't resist me, not that it would have mattered if she did. When we were as concealed by the statue as we were going to be I grabbed her from behind, binding her arms tightly to her torso.

"Mick what are you…!" Before she could object further the sounds became more audible. A heartbeat. Not just a normal heartbeat either, the elevated speed and intensity of someone doing short distance running.

I heard her breath in the back of her throat, heady with desire. She smelled deeply and I wondered if her new senses could smell the sweat and adrenaline like mine could.

I assumed so when she started to struggle a little in my grip. It wasn't direct. It was as if she was trying to test her strength against mine. She twisted and just wiggled in my grasp like she was just testing my hold.

The runner got closer. Heart pounding. Music blaring on headphones that I could still hear clearly.

Vivian twisted, or would have if I wasn't binding her still. When she knew she couldn't break free her head rolled back onto my shoulder and her thready breath was clear in my ears. My back was against the statue and standing in the shadow of the stone angel which was all that separated her from her predatory instincts and murderous urges. It and me. I was always going to stay there, between her and the wrong choices. I wouldn't let her make the same mistakes that I had. She would never kill when she fed and she would never subject another to the torture I had bestowed to her.

The runner finally disappeared into the rest of the cemetery and I kept holding her back a little longer still. I could feel her hair on my cheek, hear her wild heartbeat, and smell the desire coursing through her veins.

I pitied her. I took her hand and pulled her down a little path that ran along the cemetery, away from the main road.

One of the trees was surrounded by a corona of fallen cherry blossoms. I led her over to it and let go of her hand. While I sat on a stone bench next to the tree she laid right on the ground beneath it, flat on her back.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She didn't answer, opened her mouth once, but stayed silent. "Talk to me," I urged, nudging her foot with mine.

Her voice was empty. It didn't have that joking tone that always seemed to be there. She wasn't smiling, even a little. It was the voice of someone who felt dead inside. "It's like it doesn't even matter what I want to do anymore. I have all of these notions that all it will take is some self discipline but I hear that heart beat and suddenly it's all gone." She paused. "I didn't even know I was thirsty until I thought about trying to kill you." She rolled onto her side, away from me.

I got off the bench, sitting on the ground next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Every vampire knows exactly what you're going through. It's not some personal defect it just comes with the territory and eventually you will learn to control it."

"How? I don't feel any semblance of control right now." Her voice was even but I could smell the saline of her tears.

"Give yourself some time. You've got all the time in the world."


	6. Chapter 6

Vivian slowly went stir crazy. She quickly adjusted to sleeping through the days like Josef and I did but he was always gone in the nights and often times so was I. Any time that I was home we would go to the cemetery to get her out of the house but in a big city there wasn't anywhere else that we could really go without running into humans.

I tried to keep Vivian entertained. She told me she had a weakness for fashion magazines and so I had someone pick her up everything from Marie Clarie to InStyle. She watched TV occasionally. I gave her one of my credit cards and a computer to order any clothes she wanted online, reassuring her she wouldn't overspend. One night we even played Scrabble. But it wasn't really enough.

She connected with the Freshies, which were now coming by once a day so that she could feed and learn control faster. Once I found the two of them watching some soap opera when I came home late from work. Her control was improving quickly. She didn't hurt the freshies anymore and she could stop herself from feeding most of the time; but she still couldn't stop once she had begun.

Friday night rolled around after two weeks and when I opened the freezer door and sat up she was already in my room, perched on a chair like a hawk.

She didn't go over any pretenses. "I want to go with you Mick."

"Go with me where?"

"To the party tomorrow night."

"What party?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You and Josef always go to parties on Saturdays. You come smelling like booze and women."

"And that's what you want?"

"I don't want to spend another weekend here by myself. There are mostly vampires around right? I'm not stupid enough to take a bite out of one of them anymore."

"Not all of them, no."

"Well freshies sure; but I can control that."

"You think so?"

"Yes. Don't mind me; get ready for whatever Josef has you put up to tonight," she said brusquely.

"I can't."

"Why not?" she asked. I cleared my throat and glanced at the sections of my body obscured to her by the freezer. "Oh. Right." She turned around. I almost laughed and hoisted myself over the side of the freezer, picking up a towel thrown on the floor to wrap around myself.

"What makes you think you're ready?"

"I'm not about to risk being cooped up here again just for some blood."

"You know you weren't invited to this party." She looked back and got gracefully to her feet seeing that I was decent.

"But I assume that you have a 'plus 1'."

"I do," I acknowledged.

"So give Irene the night off and take me." How did she suspect that it was Irene that I had asked to accompany me? Vivian seemed to read my mind and become more confident when she saw that she had guessed correctly. "Please Mick?" I looked away, not wanting her big eyes to affect my decision.

She turned around and jumped onto my ornamental bed. She put her chin on her hands. "I promise to be a good little vampire and do everything you tell me to."

"It's mostly a get-together. There will be a bunch of vampires talking business and some of them will be drinking right in the open."

"So I'll smile to everyone you introduce me to and laugh at everything you say. I can play nice," she smiled.

"Okay," I agreed. She grinned, showing off her luminescent teeth. "I'm wearing a tux so make sure you're in something appropriate."

She jumped off the bed and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Alright." I didn't want to show it, but I was almost happy with the decision. "Now would you let me get dressed please?"

"Anything you say." She left the room.


End file.
